It's
tough coming back to the place where you lost so much. It's just so
much easier to leave and never look back. But when family calls, you
must return. You'll never get a new family.
Shelby
took a deep breath and looked at Izzy. “I don't know if I'm ready
to go back.”
“I
know. But you have to.”
“Why
do I have to? I've always been the bigger person. I'm fucking sick of
of being the bigger damn person Iz!” Shelby said turning to her
left to look at him.
“You
have to because your grandmother is sick. They needed you back. This
has nothing to do with Liz. Or with Lulu. You don't even have to see
them.”
“But
I don't know how long we'll be here.”
“Well
however long we're here, I'm here for you.” Izzy said taking her
hand.
“Thanks
Iz. You've been a big help.” Shelby said turning her attention to
her parent's house. She looked up and seen a cat in the window. A
smile spread across her face.
“Do
you want me to come in with you?” Izzy asked noticing Shelby's
smile.
“If
you don't mind.” Shelby said looking back at him.
“Anything
for you Shibbz.” He said getting out of the car. He walked around
and helped Shelby out of the car, taking her hand and walking up to
her parent's house. “Ready?”
Shelby
took a deep breath and pierced her lips together. She looked at Izzy
and slowly nodded her head, as he knocked on the door.
It
was a moment before someone came and opened the door. Grace opened
the door and smiled at her big sister. “I've miss you.” She said
giving Shelby a hug.
“I've
missed you too Shrimp Puff.” Shelby said looking at Grace. Even
though she was now taller than Shelby, she'll never out live her
short nicknames.
“She
has Alzheimer's Shel.” Grace said stopping half way down the
hallway.
“What?”
Shelby asked baffled by what Grace just said.
“Yeah,
and it's happening fast.” Grace said as Shelby let go of Izzy and
pushed her way down the hallway.
She
stormed into her parents room, as tears formed in the corner of her
eyes. “My Grandmother has Alzheimer’s disease and you simply tell
me that she's sick!? That she's fucking sick! That's more than sick!”
“Shelby
Mary! Calm down!” Dee said looking at Shelby in disbelief.
“Don't
'Shelby Mary' me mother! You just said she was sick! I thought she
had the flu. Or she had strep throat or something! But Alzheimer's?”
“We
didn't see it coming either.” Rodney said looking at his daughter.
Shelby
took a few deep breaths before speaking again. “How serious is it?”
“It's
pretty serious Shel.”
“How
serious dad?”
“We
went to see her 2 days ago, and she forgot who Denny was.”
“So
it's really, really serious! And all you guys told me was that she
was sick! How could you?”
“How
are we supposed to tell you that kind of news on the phone?” Dee
asked, upset that her daughter would think that they purposely didn't
tell her.
“You
just tell me!”
“We're
going to see her tomorrow. And we want you to come.” Rodney said
changing the subject as quick as he could.
“No.
I can't.”
“If
you don't, you'll regret it.” Dee mentioned, staring at Shelby.
“I
can't do this.” Shelby said rushing out of the room and down the
hallway. She walked into Grace's room and seen her sitting on her
bed, talking to Izzy.
“So
that's Shelby's old stuff?” He asked motioning to a box in the
closet.
“Yup.
The stuff she left behind when she quickly left right after high
school, and never came back.” Grace said when she realized Shelby
was standing in the doorway.
“Look
Shortie, I'm sorry I didn't come back. But I always invited you to
come see me.”
“And
how the hell was I supposed to get there? I just got my permit 2
months ago. You're the one with a car and a license.”
“I
couldn't come back here and you know it.”
“Why?
Because of Liz? Because of Lulu? Grow the fuck up Shelby. You're 21
now, don't live your life in fear of the people who fucked with your
past.” Grace said, louder than she should have.
“You
don't understand Grace and you never will.”
“Yes
I do! I lost Squido because of you. Because not only did you mess
things up with Vici, but you messed things up with Liz. Her family
hates you and now they hate me!”
“Why
didn't you tell me Grace?” Shelby asked sitting down next to her.
“Because
you never returned my phone calls. You acted like I didn't exist. You
never even called for my birthday.” Grace said sadly.
“I
tried. I really did Shortie--”
“Enough
with the short nicknames Shel. I'm taller than you now!”
“But
you'll always be my little sister.”
“Not
by choice. Take your shit and get out of my room Shelby. You stopped
being my sister the day you moved out, and I've been on my own since
then.” Grace said narrowing her eyes, and staring at Shelby.
Shelby
looked at Grace before she spoke. “You're on your own because you
never tried to see me. I told you I lived by the bus stop, but all of
a sudden you're too good to take a bus. You're 16 Grace. Don't try
and blame me for the way your life turned out. I didn't have an older
sister to stare me in the right direction either.” Shelby picked up
the box, looked at Izzy and walked out the house and down to the car.
“Wow.”
Izzy said as Shelby got into the passenger seat.
“Yeah.
Now you see why I didn't want to go back?”
“Yeah.
And I thought my family had issues.” Izzy said as Shelby stared at
the box. “You know what's in it?”
“Not
at all.” Shelby said taking off the tape and pulling the top back.
She reached in and grabbed a stuffed tigger. Then a scrap book. A
light green binder.
“Whats
that?”
“The
stuffed tigger Daniel gave me. My scrap book. And all my old
stories...” Shelby said throwing the box into the back of the car
and staring out of the window, no longer wanting to be back in
Dorchester.
“It'll
be okay.” Izzy said rubbing her leg and she placed her head against
the window in silence.
In
life sometimes people leave. They go away for awhile, and maybe if
you're lucky they one day come back. Some people leave for college,
jail, rehab, or they just leave to leave. Is there really a good
reason to leave everything you once loved? Everyone you once cared
about. The place you once called home.
“Have
yall heard?” Keith asked passing the blunt.
“Heard
what?” Liz asked looking around the room.
“Izzy
and Shelby are back.”
“What?”
Drew asked looking at Keith in disbelief.
“Yeah,
she texted me and told me. Said we should chill.” Keith said
looking at Lulu.
“Are
you gonna?” Liz asked passing the blunt.
“Yeah,
why not? It's Shibbz.”
“You
haven't seen her in years.”
“None
of us have.”
“It's
cause she left. Without a goodbye or some shit.” Lulu said drinking
his Smirtoff Ice.
“Well
do you blame her? The way yall left shit, I'm surprised she came
back.” Ace said looking across the room at Lulu.
“Can
we just drop this shit?” Liz asked looking down at the ground.
“Why?”
Keith asked looking toward Liz.
“Cause.
We got into a little ass fight, and two fucking days later, she's
gone. Without a word. She didn't say where she was going, didn't call
when she got there. Nothing. And then 4 fucking years later she wants
to come back? What kind of bullshit is that?” Liz asked sipping her
Henny and redbull.
“Some
kind of shit someone does when she's hurt by some of the closet
people to her.” Keith said looking from Liz to Lulu.
“I
didn't do shit to her!” Lulu yelled standing up.
“You
fucking broke up with her, to go back to Jasmine. Fucking Jasmine!”
Ace said getting mad.
“She
didn't love me anymore. Jasmine did.”
“Jasmine
is a crazy fucking bitch! She never loved you, she just loved the
idea of you!” Keith said standing up.
“Nah,
she fucking loved me.”
“Yeah.
She loved you so fucking much, she went after David.” Drew said
rolling his eyes.
“Fuck
yall.” Lulu said walking out of the room.
“So
you really gonna chill with Shelby?” Ace asked looking at Keith.
“Yup.
I miss my lil Shibbz.”
“She
can't be little any more.” Drew said winking.
“Fuck
you.” Keith said laughing and following Lulu out onto the back
porch.
“What
the fuck do you want?” Lulu asked turning to look at Keith.
“I
think it would good for you to see her.”
“What?
Hell no!”
“You
need to. You two have shit that you have to fucking handle.”
“No
we don't.”
“You
told her you were hooking up with Jasmine behind her back. Yet you
still loved her. I think that is something to talk about.”
“She's
with Izzy now. And she's probably much happier.” Lulu said leaning
over the railing.
“She
loved you Litho.”
“Love
can't fix what has already happened.” Lulu said as Keith took a
seat at the table.
“All
I want to know is do you still love her?” Keith asked after he and
Lulu were there in silence for a few minutes.
“I
don't know Bunk. After she turned 18, things weren't the same.”
“What
do you mean?”
“I
mean...she was different. Something changed in her, and I seen it.”
“Litho,
everyone changes.”
“Yeah
I fucking know that. But Shibbz...I don't. It was obvious before that
she always loved me, ya know?”
“Yeah,
we all knew.” Keith paused. “You could see it in her eyes. And
her smile.”
“But
then...it all disappeared. It was gone.”
“I
didn't see that.”
“Cause
she acted like it was there when everyone was around. But when it was
just the two of us...things changed. She got serious.” Lulu said
looking back at Keith.
“That
doesn't sound like Shibbz.”
“That's
what I thought too. But it was her.”
“Maybe
yall can work things out.”
“Bunk!
You gotta let this shit go! Me and Shibbz ain't gonna get back
together! We ain't even friends.” Lulu said walking up to Keith.
“Fine!
Fucking fine! All I was trying to do was fix shit for you cause I
know that you miss her. You miss having her in your arms. You miss
falling asleep next to her. And you miss hearing her laugh at your
stupid corny jokes. I get that shit.” Keith paused and took a deep
breath. “Man I wish some chick loved me like Shibbz loves you.
Cause if she did, I'd never let her go. You gotta start thinking
about your future. Thinking about where you want to be by the time
you're 30.” Keith said walking back into the house.
“I
think I want to be with her.” Lulu said taking out his phone and
pressing 2.
“Hello?”
Shelby asked answering her phone as Izzy pulled up to an apartment.
“Hey.”
Lulu said on the other line.
“Lulu?”
“The
one and only.”
“Oh...what's
up?” Shelby asked as she and Izzy got out of the car.
“What
does he want?” Izzy whispered grabbing the bags from the trunk.
Shelby
lifted her shoulders, as Lulu spoke. “Shit, just chilling. I heard
you and Izzy are back in town.”
“Yeah.
My nana's sick.”
“We
should chill.”
“Why?”
Shelby asked as she walked up the stairs and into the living room.
“Cause
we have a lot of shit to talk about.”
“Okay.
Then you can come over to me and Izzy's place. I'll text you the
address.” Shelby said quickly hanging up.
“What
did he want?” Izzy asked sitting on the couch.
Shelby
sat down next to him, and quickly put her legs up. “To chill. Said
we have a lot of shit to talk about.” She said looking at Izzy.
“And
you invited him to do that here?”
“Yeah.
I live here to ya know.”
“Yeah
I know Shibbz. I just don't think it's a good idea.”
“Why?
It's not like I'm gonna get back together with him.”
“I'm
just saying. He doesn't try and call you for 4 years, and all of a
sudden now that you're back, he wants to chill and talk. Don't you
think---” Izzy said being interrupted by the doorbell. Izzy got up
and walked to the door. “He got over here that quick?”
“I
haven't even texted him the address.” Shelby said as Izzy opened
the door.
Sasha
walked in and took off her sunglasses. “Shibbz!” She said rushing
over to give Shelby a hug.
“Nice
to see you too.” Izzy said rolling his eyes at his sister.
“I've
miss you!” Shelby said being suffocated by Sasha's hug.
“It's
been too long!”
“We
seen you for new years.” Izzy said looking at Sasha and Shelby.
“Shut
up!” Shelby said looking over at Izzy.
“Just
saying.” Izzy said shutting the door.
“I
miss you too lil bro.” Sasha said hugging Izzy.
“Thanks.”
He said as Shelby sat down on the couch.
“So
what brings you two back here?” Sasha asked sitting down next to
Shibb.
“My
nana's sick.” Shelby replied putting her legs over Sasha's.
“Aww,
is she gonna be okay?”
“She
has Alzheimer's.” Shelby said sadly, as she sent her text.
“She
has what?!” Sasha asked looking at Shelby.
“And
it's bad.”
“Wow.
When are you going to go and see her?”
“I
don't want to.” Shelby paused taking a deep breath. “I don't want
to see her in that state. For the last time I see my nana, for her to
not even remember who I am.”
“I
understand. But think about it Shibbz. She's still alive. And she's
the last grandparent you have. If you don't go and see her, then
you'll regret it.” Sasha said as Shelby put her head down.
She
looked up at Sasha before she spoke again. “Can we talk about
something else?”
“Yeah,
how about you mention that Lulu wants to come and talk to you.”
Izzy said sitting on the couch next to Sasha.
“He
what?” Sasha asked looking from Shelby to Izzy.
“Yeah.
He called me when we were pulling up here, and said that he thinks we
should talk. Cause apparently we have things to talk about.”
“What
does he want to talk about?”
“The
fuck if I know. All I know was that he wants to. So I sent him the
address, and he should be coming soon.”
“Well
I'm not gonna miss this!” Sasha said putting her feet up on the
coffee table.
“Am
I the only one who thinks this is a bad idea?” Izzy asked.
“It's
not like you and Shibbz are dating. And all Luisto wants to do is
talk. Can that really hurt?” Sasha asked as Shelby put on the CD
player.
Actions
may speak louder than words. They may say things that people can't
figure out how to say with words. But when you don't speak for 4
years, the action is clear that you didn't want to talk. When you are
far from someone, then talking is all you can do. But the action of
you putting in the effort shows that you still care.
They
say distance makes the heart grow fonder. That by not seeing someone
for so long, you end up by missing them and loving them more. But
honestly, I think you knew you loved them the whole time. Sometimes,
the time just isn't right to tell someone that you love them and you
want to be with them.
Lulu
walked into the house and grabbed his keys. “Where are you going?”
Keith asked standing up. He followed Lulu up the hallway, to the
front door.
“I'm
going to see her.”
“Who?”
“Shelby.”
“You
don't know where she is.” Keith said as Lulu showed him his phone.
“Yes
I do.”
“She
told you where her and Izzy are staying?”
“Yeah.
You can come. Just don't tell them.”
“They're
gonna realize that we left.”
“Who
cares?” Lulu asked opening the front door.
“iight
then.” Keith said following Lulu to the car. “How'd you get her
to give you the address?” He asked once they got into the car.
“I
called her. Said we should talk.”
“Talk
about?” Keith asked as Lulu started driving.
“I...I
don't exactly know.”
“Are
you still thinking that you can make things work with Jasmine? Cause
ya can't Primo. You just can't.”
“Nah
it's not that.”
“Then
what? Cause we all know Shibbz still loves you.”
“What
if she doesn't?” Lulu asked taking a right turn.
“You
really think she doesn't?”
“Do
you still love the person you loved 4 years ago?”
“Well..nah.”
“See.
So what if she got over me?”
“It's
Shibbz.”
“What
if she's with Izzy?”
“Yet
again; it's Shibbz. She can say all that shit to Liz all she wants.
But she would never do that shit to her. Even if they haven't talked
for 4 years.” Keith said as Lulu stopped at a red light. “You
should pick her up her favorite coffee or something.” Keith said
looking at the Dunkin Donuts to their right.
“You
just saying that cause you want something from there?”
“Yeah.
But it won't hurt your case if you make her remember that you still
know her.” Keith said looking at Lulu staring off into space. “You
do know what her favorite thing from Dunkin Donuts is, right?”
“Yeah.
A coffee coolatta with whipped cream. And a strawberry frosted
donut.” Lulu said looking at Keith.
“Then
what is it?”
“I
don't know. Things aren't gonna be the same.”
“They
might.” Keith said looking out the window as the boys pulled into
the Dunkin Donuts drive through. They ordered and the rest of the
ride was quiet.
“This
is it.” Lulu said pulling up in front of Shelby and Izzy's condo.
“Lets
go then.” Keith said. He was eager to see how Lulu would act with
Shelby.
The
boys walked up to the door and rang the doorbell.
“Who
is it?” Izzy asked walking to the door.
“Litho
and HB.” Lulu said as Izzy opened the door. Shelby's head turned to
the door and her and Lulu's eyes met as he walked in.
“Shibbz.”
Keith said walking over and hugging her.
“Keith.”
Shelby said with a smile on her face.
“It's
been a long time.”
“Too
long.” Shelby said letting go of the hug.
“Right.”
Keith said hugging Sasha.
“Why
don't we go into the kitchen and make hot chocolate.” Sasha
suggested looking from Izzy to Keith.
“Did
you really think HB was coming over without the lq?” Keith asked as
they walked away.
“Hey.”
Lulu said walking over to Shelby.
“Hey.”
Shelby said as Lulu set the Dunkin's on the coffee table. “Since
when do you drink coffee?” She asked looking down.
“I
don't, I got it for you.”
“Thanks.”
Shelby said giving him a hug.
“No
problem.” Lulu said as they sat down on the couch.
“So
what did you want to talk about?” Shelby asked pulling her knees up
to her chin, turning to look at Lulu.
“I've
missed you.”
“Just
not enough to call.”
“Would
you have answered if I did?” Lulu asked, turning it back to Shelby.
“I
don't know. Maybe.”
“It
seemed pretty clear that you wanted to let go of your old life, and
move on with Izzy.”
“Because
I knew I could trust Izzy.” Shelby said, remaining calm.
“And
you couldn't trust me?”
Shelby
knew that was coming. “You were cheating on me with Jasmine.”
“You
changed.”
“Everyone
changes.” Shelby said.
“Not
you. You've pretty much been the same person I met years ago.
“No
I haven't. I've changed a lot, and I'll be the first to admit it.”
“I
get that Shibbz. But I still need to know one thing.”
“What?”
Shelby asked afraid of what came next.
“Do
you still love me?”
“I've
loved you for so long...I don't know what not loving you feels like.”
She replied.
“So
is that a yes?”
“I'll
always love you Lulu, but I'm not in love with you, if that's what
you want to know.”
“No,
I just needed to know that you still love me.”
“Why?”
“Why
what?”
“What
did you need to know that I still loved you?” Shelby asked.
“To
make sure I still had a chance at stealing your heart.” Lulu said
with a smile on his face.
“Where'd
they go?” Liz asked looking around the house for Keith and Lulu.
“They're
out on the porch dumb ass.” Drew said laughing.
“Don't
you think I checked there already, dumb ass?”
“Obviously
not if you're still asking where they are.”
“They're
not on the porch!” Liz said annoyed.
“What
do you mean? Where the fuck could they go?” Ace asked standing up.
“I
don't know, that's why I asked you two.” Liz replied rolling her
eyes.
“Did
they say they were leaving?”
“No,
I didn't even hear the door open.”
“Damn,
they fucking snuck out!” Drew said noticing that the car was gone.
Liz
pulled out her phone and called Keith. “Where are you?” Pause.
“You're where? What the fuck are you doing there?!” She started
to get mad. “Why the fuck did Lulu want to talk to---you think
they're getting back---They're talking now? I'm fucking gucci on that
nigga!” Liz said angerly hanging up the phone.
“Where
are they?” Ace asked looking at Liz.
“What?”
Shelby asked looking at Lulu with wide eyes.
“You
heard me.”
“Did
you ever think that maybe I don't want to be with you? That maybe you
hurt me when you told me that you were cheating on me with Jasmine?”
Shelby asked sitting up straight.
“I
didn't mean for that to happen Shibb.”
“You
can say that until your lips fall off, but that doesn't change the
fact that you CHEATED on me. With fucking Jasmine! Out of all people
you choose the one person that I hate for keeping you from me in the
first place.” Shelby said sincerely.
“Shibb,
I love you.”
“That
doesn't change any thing.”
“Why
not? Why can't you give me another chance?”
“Because
you cheated on me! You know how much trust meant to me, and you lost
my trust Lu. You broke down my barriers, and threw them in my face.”
“I'm
sorry Shelby. I'm fucking sorry!” Lulu said standing up.
“Sorry
won't change what you did Lulu.” Shelby said as the front door
opened and Liz, Ace, and Andy walked in. “What are you doing here?”
“We
came to get Lulu and Keith.” Liz said staring at Shelby.
“What
makes you think you can have them?” Shelby asked standing up as
Sasha, Keith and Izzy walked out of the kitchen and back into the
living room.
“Because
while you were gone for 4 years, I was there. When Lulu needed me.”
“But
you weren't there when I needed you.” Shelby said.
“What?”
Liz asked as Lulu stared at Shelby.
“You
weren't there when I needed to talk to you. You were busy with Izzy.”
“When?”
“When
Lulu told me that he was cheating on me with Jasmine. You pissed me
off so I took Izzy away from you.”
“You
can't let your anger take over Shibb.” Sasha whispered from behind
Shelby.
“I
had Izzy come down to Rhode Island with me just to prove to you that
I could hurt you. And it worked.” Shelby said looking at Liz with a
blank stare.
“So
you hurt me just because Litho hurt you?”
“Partially.
But also because you weren't there when I needed you. You were always
out doing other things, hanging with other people. You stopped
replying to my texts, and answering my tweets. It was as if you
forgot I existed.” She paused. “And when we did chill, you never
wanted to do anything or we got into a fight. Things between us
changed.”
“Things
always change Shibb.”
“You
turned into your sister. You replaced me.” Shelby said sitting back
down on the couch.
“I
didn't replace you Shibbz, I just...I don't know. I was preoccupied.”
“You
replaced me. You forgot that I existed, and I no longer mattered to
you. So I left. There was no reason to stay here.”
“So
you were just running away from your problems?” Drew asked looking
at Shelby.
“You
could say that. I was strong for too long.”
“Strong
about what?”
“I
had my own problems Roy! Just because you didn't know about them
doesn't mean they didn't exist.”
“Okay.
So we all know why you left. And you made me feel like a complete
ass. Thanks. But the reason we came here was for Lulu and Keith.”
Liz said wiping away a single tear.
“Are
you two back together?” Keith asked as Sasha smiled.
“We
have a different view on life.” Shelby said turning toward Lulu.
“She
doesn't want to be together.” Lulu said staring at Shelby.
“Why?”
Sasha asked looking from Shelby to Lulu.
“He
cheated on me. What about that don't you guys understand!? I can't be
with someone who did that to me. No matter how much I love them.”
Shelby replied looking at Lulu.
“I'm
fucking sorry!”
“Sorry
doesn't cut it. I'm 21, I don't want to be tied down anyways...”
“Bullshit!”
Ace said stepping in front of Drew.
“What
are you trying to say?”
“Ever
since I met you, you've wanted to get with Lulu, and you wanted to be
with him and only him. How is this shit any different?”
“HE
CHEATED ON ME! He's a cheater!”
“And
he was a cheater before and you still wanted to be with him.”
“It's
different when it happens to you. Who you're the one that has to go
through the pain of knowing that he was with someone else. That you
obviously weren't doing what he wanted you to do, so he got it
somewhere else.” Shelby paused and looked around the room. She made
a slight laugh and spoke, “I guess I thought I was different. But I
was just like all the other girls.” She got up from the couch and
stared to talk away.
“Wow.”
Keith said.
“What?”
Shelby asked turning toward him.
“I
always knew you were messed up Shibbz. I've seen the shit you've done
to people who've done you wrong. But I always thought that you knew
what you wanted in life.”
“I
do know what I want in life. I want to write and publish a book. I
want a family, and I want a husband I can trust.”
“And
what man have you been with that wants you to write that book? He
even wanted to help you.”
“Lulu.”
Shelby replied quietly.
“Then
you're gonna let one mistake ruin it all?” Keith asked as
she walked away quietly.
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